A Cookie Is A Sometimes Food

Hi there. Sorry we lost touch the past few days. i'd love to say that personally it's because i've been busy doing work of immense beneficial consequence to the rest of mankind but really by day i’ve been standing around doing ‘art pieces’ that involve wearing gas masks and pretending to be a corrupt accountant, by evening writing a thesis on why Disneyland is the most important art installation of the late twentieth century and by evening playing Beatbox Saboteurs records to eighth-full clubs of disinterested students before stumbling around Brighton seafront with the word ‘MASK!’ written on my face. Bianca has been very busy doing more important medical research and, if she wasn’t at this very moment a-sleeping and dreaming her enviably vibrant dreams, i’m sure she’d say a cheery hello.

Now, have you ever taken a personal psychology test? To see through a set of drawings or ink splodges and your interpretation of such whether you are either a well-adjusted upstanding member of society or a raging ball of psychopathic unpleasantness simply choosing to keep it in at the moment? Well, you’ve no need, because i can now judge your inner being using simply some Johnny Cash, Sesame Street characters and nifty html.

Just relax, watch these two videos and tell me afterwards which one you prefer. Your results will be processed shortly.





Chosen? Me too. i chose the latter. i’ve even had an mp3 of it on rotation (mp3s can rotate, right?) for the past coupl’a days. Bad move. i’m quite obviously unhinged, sadistic or just plain not-nice, siding with the Grouch like that. Look at ‘Don’t Take Your Ones To Town’: it’s sweet, dammit. It’s not only got a moral message in it, it removes the original message about unsavoury firearms violence and uses it to teach kids about the importance of numeracy. It has a comedy sound effect in it. And Cash is even polite to all the characters, especially the ones that (being vampires) have probably just got back from draining a virgin dry of their blood supply through their soft pale necks. He’s not curling his lip at a Jim Henson creation and going all shifty-eyed like he would rather be at the bar but doesn’t want anyone to notice. ‘Nasty Dan’ comes to the conclusion that being an utter bell-end your entire life will land you in unscrupulous happiness, and i can’t stop listening to it. Plus he’s wearing a denim jacket. What sort of sick freak must i be?

As we’re on the subject of Sesame Street, here’s one of the myriad reasons why new rave will never really better old rave, not even in the early-Nineties nonsensical sense. Enjoy.